All Hallows Eve

Happy Halloween, I guess. Do people even know what Halloween is? Where it came from? Why is it celebrated? Most people do, I hope. History has it that Halloween falls on the night before ‘All Hallows Day’ which is Nov. 1st. It originated from the Romans ancient ‘festival of the dead’. A close relative to it would be the Celtic’s celebration of ‘Samhain’. In any case, the purpose of Halloween is to honor the dead (for the Romans). The Celts, however, believe that on All Hallows Eve the boundaries between our world and the world of the dead overlap and the dead would come back to life to well, basically fuck our world up. Dressing up and disguising using costumes is one of the ways to keep oneself out of ‘harm’s’ way. Scary pumpkins and bonfires are also used to keep the ‘spirits of the dead’ away. Nowadays, most people don’t even think about the history or the meaning behind holidays and festivals because they’re all so commercialized and conventionalized. Ask any college student what they’re doing for Halloween and nine out of ten will tell you that they’re dressing up and getting trashed. Chicks would dress up as slutty as possible and dudes would wear as little cloth as possible (given that they’re in shape). This might not apply to you in which case, good for you! If it does, no offense.

Quoting Forrest Gump, “And that’s all I have to say about that”.

Happy Halloween.

I don’t know what I want anymore.

Taking 6 classes for a total of 17 units is definitely taking its toll. This past month was a little bit of a blur in a way that I don’t know where all the time went. It was mainly class, homework, reading, sleep and do it all over. I am content though I’ll admit that. I did and do still have some doubts but that’s normal really. Anyway, I have to “vent” somewhere so this might as well be the place. Myriads thoughts always drift through my mind when I go to bed and I never fall asleep until 2 or 3 hours later. My brain has even been working every night because I haven’t had a dreamless night (which is a good thing) since…I don’t remember when.

I’m also starting to have doubts about Peace Corps and I haven’t the faintest idea why. I wish I can have the compass in the Pirates of the Caribbean that tells me what I want most…that would make things so much easier. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if I’m doing what my heart wants or if I’m doing what I think my heart wants or even if I’m doing what I think I’m expected to do. Feelings are associated with the heart, true, but the brain is the instrument that interprets these feelings. The brain is logical, rational but feelings aren’t. So, what I’m left with are more unanswered questions. Great.

It might seem that I’m pouring my heart out, but I’m really not, not on here anyway.