I don’t know what I want anymore.

Taking 6 classes for a total of 17 units is definitely taking its toll. This past month was a little bit of a blur in a way that I don’t know where all the time went. It was mainly class, homework, reading, sleep and do it all over. I am content though I’ll admit that. I did and do still have some doubts but that’s normal really. Anyway, I have to “vent” somewhere so this might as well be the place. Myriads thoughts always drift through my mind when I go to bed and I never fall asleep until 2 or 3 hours later. My brain has even been working every night because I haven’t had a dreamless night (which is a good thing) since…I don’t remember when.

I’m also starting to have doubts about Peace Corps and I haven’t the faintest idea why. I wish I can have the compass in the Pirates of the Caribbean that tells me what I want most…that would make things so much easier. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if I’m doing what my heart wants or if I’m doing what I think my heart wants or even if I’m doing what I think I’m expected to do. Feelings are associated with the heart, true, but the brain is the instrument that interprets these feelings. The brain is logical, rational but feelings aren’t. So, what I’m left with are more unanswered questions. Great.

It might seem that I’m pouring my heart out, but I’m really not, not on here anyway.


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